Wednesday, January 11, 2006

For all bhombol kaku's and papu kaka's

I have a bhombol kaku... a papu kaka... a chumki pishi ... a bunty didi... a buchkun dada ... a manadada ... a bapi kaka ... a ruby pishi ... a shoma pishi ... a bubu dada ... a rintu kaku... a piklu dada ... a tukun jethu ... a tatu dada ...

This list is a product of a faint recollection at quarter to ten at night on a working day...... sure I could name zillions more who i know...

I got this as a forward from the "bunty didi" ... so i share it ... may be to share her agony of being bunty for all times to come!

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Dedicated to all the sons and daughters of Bengal, including Buba,Bapi, Babuli,Chumki, Jonaki, Jhumpa, Kakuli, Lali, Ruby, Shoma,Sharmistha...This post is part of an ongoing series. In these pages, Iwill attempt to alert people to a great injustice that is beingperpetrated upon the sons of Bengal. So you thought they were wimpy tobegin with. Far from it, my friend. Their current state is a result ofyears of conditioning by the oppressors - namely the women. By using avariety of psychological weapons, they have reduced these fine men towhat you see today. Today we focus on the first weapon in their hands- the NICK-NAME.When a son is born into a Bengali household, he is gifted with aresonant sonorous name. Bengali names are wonderful things.They conveymajesty and power. A man with a name like Prasenjit, Arunabha orSukanta is a man who will walk with his head held high, knowing thatthe world expects great deeds from him, which was why they bestowedthe title that is his name upon him.But it simply will not do forthese men to get ahead of themselves. Their swelling confidence needsto be shattered. How can one go about it? This task is left to themothers of these lads and is accomplished by the simple act ofreferring to the boy, not by his fine-sounding real name, but by anickname which Shakti Kapoor would be ashamed to answer toThere are some rules for creating nicknames, which need to be followedThey are1. Nicknames must have no connection to the real name. Arunabha cannotcalled Arun No, for that would be logical, and such things areanathema in the world of women. Instead he shall be called Bhombol Ifpossible the nickname and real name must have no letters in common,but an ancient alphabet proves to be the constraining factor there2. Nicknames must be humiliating. If you are a tall strapping boy,with a ;flair for soccer, an easy charm and an endearing personality,then you shall be nicknamed - Bhondu Bittu, Nontu... And every time,you have set your sights on a girl, and are on the verge of having theaforementioned lass eat out of your hand - your mother will arrive and pronounce loudly Nontu Bairey eso. The ensuing sea of giggles willdrown out whatever confidence you had earned from that last winningfree-kick3. A nickname must refer in some way to a suitably embarrassingincident in your childhood that you would give your arm and leg toforget. If it took you a little too long to shed your baby fat, thenyears of gymming will not gt;rid you of the nomenclature - Motka Ifyour face turned crimson when you gt;cried as a toddler, you will becalled Laltu or even Tutul When you turn 40, your friends' childrenwill call you ;Laltu Kaku Even age will not earn you the right to betaken seriously thereafter4. Different members of the family will make up different nicknames -each more embarrassing than the preceding one. If one member of thefamily calls you Piklu, then another will call you Mitul, and anotherwill call you Chaadu. The humiliation multiplies5. You will always be introduced by your nickname, until people forgetyou had a Real Name Ranajoy might have taken on a gang of armed mensingle-handedly, but Toton ;really didn't have a chance. After a pointToton will completely take over the beaten body of Ranajoy, weigheddown by the pressure of a thousand taunts;6. This strategy is surprisingly effective. Ask yourself - would youtake Professor 'Rintu'seriously? Or put much weight by the opinion ofDr 'Bubai'? Or march into battle under the command of General 'Thobla'7. The power of the nickname has scarred the psyche of Bengali men;everywhere. It follows them like a monkey on their backs. That too, a;monkey with a flair for slapstick, that was gifted to them by theirown mothers That, dear Bong friends, is Step No.1 of their grand plan.I must leave now before they realize I am telling you all thisStep No.2 of the plan shall be revealed in the next post. Now let memake my escape. But wait! There's no way we can let you go now -you've seen too much. Not before you answer the questionTomar daaknaam ki,Khoka The crowd waits with bated breath in anticipation of thegreat warrior being hoisted by his own petard. They lick their chopshungrily. But tonight is not their night. He stands tall and straightand a smug smile plays on his lips. From his lips come the wordsMazhi aai Bangali nahee my mother is not a Bengali) And he survivesto fight another day

1 comment:

ipshita said...

Thank God, that you do not have a nickname to live upto!

Otherwise, you would have been a Buri Pishi or Jhumpa Mashi to a whole generation of annoying kids!!